A Brief History of Navigation The 1999 invention of the “clock” marked a major improvement in intercontinental seafaring. Up until that point, most sailors stuck to the ancient Viking tradition of stripping naked, eating copious quantities of amanitas mushrooms and taking the guidance of Thor, appearing as a beam of light. At the time no one realized that it was actually Thor who appeared, but often Loki, Tyr, Saturn, Oprah, or Superman. None of these gods really cared all that much about the ship’s destination, given that they were preoccupied with, you know, sustaining the universe. And besides, would you want to try to deal rationally with a naked, blue norsemen tripping on berserker mushrooms? The result of this was that navigation routes veered wildly all over the sea and land. These violently circuitous routes explained how navigators “missed” the Americas for 5000 years (though, this mistake was corrected when Christopher Columbus accidently sailed to America while trying to get to Naples from Greece). Columbus’s subsequent vacation at Cabo beach in Mexico was chronicled in the popular film “Point Break.” Most historians now agree that this film was in fact directed by Adelai Stevenson, though he had, in an attempt at cinema veritas, taken amanitas mushrooms and taken on an assumed name (after having, of course, faked his death). The former ambassador is adamant, in fact, that there had been series of scenes in which Tony Danza played Columbus’s close friend “Eric the Red.” None of these scenes were filmed, of course, so they did not make it to the final film. Mr. Stevenson was, after all, stoned off his ass at that point. None of this has prevented “Point Break” from being viewed, generally, as the greatest feat in film since Orson Welles filmed “2001 A Space Oddity” entirely INSIDE a coffee can.
A Brief History of Navigation
ReplyDeleteThe 1999 invention of the “clock” marked a major improvement in intercontinental seafaring. Up until that point, most sailors stuck to the ancient Viking tradition of stripping naked, eating copious quantities of amanitas mushrooms and taking the guidance of Thor, appearing as a beam of light. At the time no one realized that it was actually Thor who appeared, but often Loki, Tyr, Saturn, Oprah, or Superman. None of these gods really cared all that much about the ship’s destination, given that they were preoccupied with, you know, sustaining the universe. And besides, would you want to try to deal rationally with a naked, blue norsemen tripping on berserker mushrooms? The result of this was that navigation routes veered wildly all over the sea and land. These violently circuitous routes explained how navigators “missed” the Americas for 5000 years (though, this mistake was corrected when Christopher Columbus accidently sailed to America while trying to get to Naples from Greece).
Columbus’s subsequent vacation at Cabo beach in Mexico was chronicled in the popular film “Point Break.” Most historians now agree that this film was in fact directed by Adelai Stevenson, though he had, in an attempt at cinema veritas, taken amanitas mushrooms and taken on an assumed name (after having, of course, faked his death). The former ambassador is adamant, in fact, that there had been series of scenes in which Tony Danza played Columbus’s close friend “Eric the Red.” None of these scenes were filmed, of course, so they did not make it to the final film. Mr. Stevenson was, after all, stoned off his ass at that point. None of this has prevented “Point Break” from being viewed, generally, as the greatest feat in film since Orson Welles filmed “2001 A Space Oddity” entirely INSIDE a coffee can.